Why Graduation Makes Me Want To Vom

Lately, and more often than ever, everyone has been asking me “Are you excited to graduate? When is graduation? Are you close to graduation? Are you nervous?” and I usually answer with what I would tell my doctor if I were in the hospital – “It makes me nauseous” “My skin is clammy” “I have the chills” “I can’t eat” “I haven’t been sleeping”.

“But graduation is so exciting!” Yeah, maybe for you! All I can see is the deadlines coming at me faster than I can blink, and the overwhelming feeling that I do not have enough time to do all of this and actually remain sane! I also have this dramatic irrational fear that I will get to graduation and they will tell me “APRIL FOOLS! YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO GRADUATE!” and I will have to go back to my parents’ house and eat all the food they bought as punishment. I have actually had nightmares about this and waking up drenched in sweat with the insatiable desire to check BlackBoard is just not the move anymore.

I will try to explain it like this, and maybe it can help you understand a little bit. Whether you know a soon to be grad, or you are one yourself, maybe this will help.

You get to Cedar Point; it’s eight in the morning. You have waited the entire school year to get here, and you are SO happy that it is finally summer (considering spring doesn’t exist in Cleveland). Maybe some of you have waited for this trip to Cedar Point longer than others- maybe you needed to take some time to work to afford your ticket, or you needed some time to grow because you weren’t tall enough for the rides. Maybe some of you had to miss a year or two of this Cedar Point trip to deal with some personal or family issues, or to grow mentally.

But regardless – you are HERE, and you are the first ones in the park. Per tradition, you and your friends sprint to the back of the park, and decide that you will work your way up to the front to do the best rides last.

You have a blast all day. You meet new people in line, you eat your way through the park, and maybe you stop and relax for a little bit. You may even buy yourself one of those god awful airbrushed tee shirts. It’s not too hot yet outside, just the perfect temperature.

Then, it’s time. You make your way to the Millennium Force – the best roller coaster to be built since 1453. You go past the ride attendant, everyone is finally tall enough. You see that the wait is almost two hours and your phones are already dead, you are unsure if you really want to go through with this. But, with the encouragement of all those around you, you decide to wait in line for this ride.

The two hour wait is filled with jokes, silence, “I Spy” and different games, and maybe getting yelled at to get off the hand rails.

Then, before you know it, you’re waiting in line for the next roller coaster car to come around. You’re strapped in, and “clear”. Enjoy your ride on “Americas Rolllller Coast”.

But, for whatever reason, even though your adrenaline is pumping, your heart is racing, and you feel like you could probably poop yourself, the chug up to the top of the first hill seems like it takes FOREVER, even though it’s quicker than the two hours you waited in line. Each click of the chain rings in your ears louder than the last one. Each lurch of the car feels rougher and jerkier than the last.

And then… you’re at the top of the hill, with just enough time to look over your shoulder at the lake before you descend into a free fall and feel that the roller coaster could almost come off the tracks.

But Alison, how does this relate to graduation?

Well, my “trip” to “Cedar Point” has been six years in the making. Taking time off to grow mentally and physically, taking time to work, and taking time to be who I really wanted to be took longer than expected, but I am HERE and I am the first one in the park.

I have met new people along the way, discovered new things, and become a completely different person than I was six years ago when I started college.

My time at Cleveland State is my wait in line for the Millennium. Two hours in line for a roller coaster seems so long, until you’re at the front and unsure if you want to go through it. Just like how, in 2016, I looked at all those requirements I had to take and thought, “Is this really worth it?” “I’ll just take it one class at a time”. And all of a sudden, senior year is here, and I’m buckled in and cleared for launch. The chug up the hill is more than metaphorical now.

Graduation makes me nauseous because I am still on the chug up the hill. I have not yet looked over my shoulder at the lake, and I have not yet descended into the free fall that will launch me into “the real world”. Each day reminding me that I am that much closer to attaining something that has been six years in the making. Four different colleges, multiple moves, friends gained and friends lost – it is a lot to take in. I never thought that graduating college would be possible for me, but here I am at the top of the Millennium Force ready to drop into free fall.

So, graduation makes me want to vom in the same sense that being on a roller coaster does. I am a bundle of nerves and excitement, and overwhelmed might be an understatement.

But I’m here, I’m chugging up the hill and there is really no turning back. I’m excited to see the picture from the bottom of the hill.

29 days stand in between me and the end of the roller coaster.

29 days until I hear “welcome back riders, how was your ride”.

On the “ride” of college, I might not ask to go again, but I’ll be happy that I waited as long as I did in line, and I'll finally be able to say “I did it”.